I have this friend Bean whom I’ve known for the longest time. He is, as locals like to say, ‘one kind’ (What kind, I don’t know). Most people think their special and different but the truth is, they’re just the same as everyone else. Bean is someone I consider to be very different.

The first thing that sets him apart from the rest is his confidence. Now, there are confident people and then there is Bean. He’ll walk into a club and think that every girl is staring at him and wants to sleep with him.

He thinks he is sex on legs; having sex with girls is not for his enjoyment but it’s because he is performing a service. Girls are queuing up to have sex with him though I suspect he’s a one trick pony (a master exponent of pump-till-you-come).

He pees all over the place. Not like my gf’s irritating dog but like for example, when he needs to go, he’ll just casually amble over to the closest tree and whip it out and do it. One time we were in my car and he needed to go. He told me to pull over at this bus stop. He walked behind the bus stop and started to relieve himself. The problem was, even though his upper torso was blocked by the bus stop, the crucial bits were on show for everyone to see! I still see my psychiatrist for that. Continue Reading…

Working in a publishing house, I like to pick up and flip through all kinds of magazines. Not just because I find a good read but sometimes just to imagine how a certain article was pieced together. Yesterday, the debut issue of Project Smitten (Smitten for short) found its way to my desk.

Smitten is a womens’ lifestyle magazine. 192 pages thick, the mag is 99 percent fashion and product features (not including ads). Unlike other womens’ publications like Cosmo and Glamour, there are no ’sensational’ write-ups included.

There is no sex column, no ‘true story’ page, no entertainment news. This, I feel, will be Smitten’s downfall. The magazine is like one big clothes catalogue if you ask me.

The cover, also, is very unimpressive. I remember the first issue of Shape magazine very well because of the amazing cover. Smitten’s is like the pimpled and bespectacled geek next to Shape’s jock. Resembling a 10 r old’s watercolour painting, it can be described at abysmal at best. Continue Reading…

Nutritional ‘experts’ claim that the food we eat is directly connected to our lifespan. And specific kinds of food were listed. I read this from Sun (the American tabloid, not the UK paper) so didn’t take it so seriously. It was sort of interesting nonetheless. Won’t really be changing my diet because of one write-up.

Reading it, I realised that I already consume all of the foods listed on a regular basis, and based on the article, I have calculated my predicted lifespan. The results: Continue Reading…

I was turning into Holland Village the other evening in my crummy S$50K (US$32K) Nissan Sunny. Suddenly, a flash of red whizzed by on my right. I turned. It wasn’t red, it was Alfa Red!

Since I got my driving license, I’ve been dreaming of getting a roadster. Recently, I’ve narrowed my choices down to the SLK, the Z4, and the TT. This was before I saw the Spider.

Continue Reading…

Refer to Part One.

Lesson 3: Drying

You will be tempted to dry your face 1st. Do not succumb. Be Jesus in the desert. Know that this test will soon come to pass. Start with your hair. Dry to your own preference, as long as no drippage is had. Now you can bury your face in your towel. Indulge but only for 5 seconds. Time’s a wasting. After this the golden rule of top to bottom comes into play again.

Lesson 4: Bonus Moves

These include shaving, be it for men or exceptionally hirsute women, or brushing your teeth. Now, these should be fitted in somewhere after the conditioner and prior to the rinsing. Brushing of teeth must be performed just before the rinsing, unless you enjoy the taste of toothpaste. Continue Reading…